I was browsing through some more apartments on citi-habitats.com this morning when I came across something nearly indescribable. Yes, I find many of the apartments lovely, but what I came across wasn't really a tangible thing; it was a feeling.
As I clicked through the pictures of tiny, cheap Manhattan studios, I was overcome by a very complicated feeling. To start, I was happy--I was overjoyed to see how cute some of the lower-priced apartments where. I was happy because I knew I would be there someday. However, I was also filled with longing. I sat at my work desk surrounded by files and paperwork and could not think of anywhere I wanted to be less. I was hoping I could fold my arms and wink my way to those apartments; if only we all had I Dream of Genie powers to take us away.
I find it a little perplexing how my moods seem to roll and surge, but at least they make my life interesting. The other day I wrote about happiness--and I'm not saying I have lost that--I just find it interesting how a person can feel happy overall and still be unsatisfied.
Then I had a thought: What if no one is ever satisfied? Are we all doomed to roam the earth searching for our next goal--the next mountain to climb?
What if people could stop talking about living in the moment and just do it? I mean, I will make it to New York because I have to; I won't rest until I do what I have set out to accomplish. However, what if I could just be satisfied to look at those wonderful apartments until I can get there and have one. Why must I feel a rush of dissatisfaction every time I log onto that site?
In keeping with my New Year resolution, I would hope that I could find a place of satisfaction in the moment. I would hope that at some point I can enjoy what I'm doing just for the time that I am doing it.
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